as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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