finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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