Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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