like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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