i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
