He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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