ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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