He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
