My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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