Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
