My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
