I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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