Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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