He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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