He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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