i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
