Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
