then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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