I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
