new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
