Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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