one two three fourrrrnication!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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