You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
