Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
