just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
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Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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