The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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