I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
