Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
