are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
