And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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