Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
