Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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