My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
