dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
This is the high leading the old right now
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
