Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
