don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
