i don't like sucking hair
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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