can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We don't watch enough power rangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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