he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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