i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
