i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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