your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
