woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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