i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
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