Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
