My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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