so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
