she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I need to calm my uterus...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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