Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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