I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
40s are totally the cure
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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