I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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