I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
