I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
