I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
