I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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