I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won