Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
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On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.