pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize