I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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