At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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