I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
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