it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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