I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
