She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
