and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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