Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
