So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
