It's Friday. Sex?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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