well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
