does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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