turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
