I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
