Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
